Open Post: Hosted By Harald Gl��ckler And German Schoolchildren

It's German tradition for the schoolchildren of the village to gather together in the middle of the summer to skip down to the local well where they tie a Sharpie to the top of it and hum the melody of "Maria Magdalena" while patiently waiting for a bronzed unicorn to twirl up in a cloud of shooting star dust. As the children throw heidelbeeres soaked in hummingbird juice at the bronzed unicorn, he gives birth to dozens of rainbow-colored uterus sacks and passes them out to the young. Yeah, in America, parents take their kids to Big Lots for school supplies, and in Germany, parents take their kids to the local well. That is the full explanation for these priceless pictures of former Hot Slut of the Week and the most beautiful creature in Germany Harald Gl��ckler in Berlin the other day.

Before Harald was shot from the earth's core to the surface, the schoolchildren were told to not stare directly at the delicate ebony arches over his onyx ball eyes or his brows would wrap around their soul and leave them stunned. Obviously, this ginge didn't follow that rule:

Don't worry, they shaved the ginge's hair, threw it in a pot full of spider blood and mixed it into a rouge until Harald's star hole (no dirt there, thankyouverymuch) started to whistle like a hot kettle. Then they dabbed a little on Harald's cheeks, and just as he started to smile the spell broke and the ginge woke up. The end. And don't expect me to get into how Harald's lips stay so glossy.